Night Vision

Waiting in line outside a club can be the most boring part of a night out. You're all dressed up with somewhere to go, but they just won't let you in yet. Frustrating. On the other hand, if you allow it, it can be one of the most entertaining times of your night. With a little bit of booze, everyone's inhibitions have been relaxed or discarded completely, so it's always fun to see who is in line with you. 

I've had some interesting conversations in a queue on a Saturday night, some have been hilarious and lead to friendships, some have been just plain strange. Here's one that happened a few weeks ago while I was lining up to go into Roxanne. We had noticed the group of three friends walking ahead of us because one of the girls was dancing terribly to a busker on Bourke st, in a gorgeous dress by mypetsquare that I had been lusting over for months. Had I been wearing that dress, I would not have embarrassed it in public like that, I would have shown it a good time while maintaining my/our dignity. (Though I am not saying that I haven't been messy before, but let's just say, I have learnt from my mistakes. I hope.)

While doing the usual "This line is so long! Are we ever going to get our dance on?" moan that tends to come from wasting a good chunk of your Saturday night in line, one of the trio, a guy wearing a velvet jacket turned to us and said: "Excuse me, do either of you have a cigarette?"

My Friend: "No sorry, we don't smoke."

His friend: (to Velvet Jacket) "Why do you even ask? No one smokes these days!"

Velvet Jacket: (in exasperation) "What has a guy got to do to get a cigarette around here?!"

At this point someone suggested doing push ups as a sufficient way to earn a cigarette.

Velvet Jacket: "Yeah, that's an idea, do you want me to do push ups?"

Me: "No seriously, we don't smoke, we don't have any to give you."

Velvet Jacket: "Really?! Are you sure?"

He was so persistent and so desperate, I couldn't help but make fun of him, to see how far he would go. 

Me: "Well actually, if you do some push ups I just might be able to find one in my bag..."

I hoped he would realise I was joking. He didn't. Velvet Jacket got on the ground and started doing push ups. I let him struggle for a little bit...

Me: "No, wait I actually don't have cigarettes, please, get up before you hurt yourself!"

His friend: "It stinks of piss around here."

Velvet Jacket: "Yeah, and I just lay on the ground."

I am so glad I am not a smoker. Or a drug addict. To be so desperate for one tiny hit! Jeepers. It's so annoying that something so disgusting can look so beautiful in fashion editorials and so cool when people like Alison Moshart are smoking. I think someone should create something that tastes like strawberries and doesn't potentially give you cancer but still has the cool smoke effect. Do I sound really shallow/naive/stupid right now? Sometimes style over substance can be a good thing... Who am I kidding? It never is!